Give Up, Never Ever Give Up

The loving parent of an adult child has traveled a long and trying road throughout the life of the child. Many times things were great and that included raising the child from infancy, to toddler stage, through adolescence and onto to young adult and adult ages. There were many rewarding parental experiences.

And sometimes the road was challenging every step of the way. The parent more than once had a fleeting thought of where did I go wrong? That though was actually a momentary lapse into self-pity. But like most enduring parents, focus was regained just as quickly as the thought that floated through the parent's mind.

By the time the child is ready to graduate from high school, parents realize their parenting influences are dramatically reduced. The child experiences life on their terms. The child's quest is to find their place in the world and express their new found independence on their own terms.

The child may choose a life-style different than the parents. The child may choose friends the parents would never have permitted the child to associate with. But what is a parent to do?

When the child chooses to travel a path that is the opposite of its up-bringing, the parent experiences feelings of failure, disappointment, and disconnectedness. The parent is baffled by all the troubling experiences of the child.

While it is easy to throw your hands up in the air and say, "I give up." Don't do it! Your child still needs you. The child creates for him/herself situations that sometimes breaks the parents' hearts and also causes the child undue distress.

There is a saying in the Christian Bible that says, "teach the child the ways he should go. He will return to them in the end." These are not the exact words but the meaning is the same. The message to parents is the same, don't give up on your child. He/she will return.

Life has proven that statement to be 100 percent true. As loving parents, children are taught early in life how to live and interact with people of similar values. It is during the formative years where parental training is best imprinted in the child. The parents not only taught the child the best life to live, they also demonstrated it through their own life style choices.

Children grow up and become adults. As they become aware of the world, the world becomes aware of the children. Experiences come and go. Some of those experiences will confirm their life long teachings and some them will entice the child explore learn more about those different experiences. Sometimes the child becomes overwhelmed and attracted to a world they never lived.

In the long run, the child may accept the new experiences as his/her own. Or the child may return to the life style that coincides with parental teachings. The parents, in the meantime, understand they can only offer advice that may help guide the child back into a profitable and beneficial life style. Sometimes the child will shut the parents out of their  life and refuse to hear or accept any parental involvement.

Never back down from your beliefs or values during the challenging years your child is experiencing or experimenting.They are trying establish their own life style and values. Parents have to make a decision. Walk away from the rebellious child or remain available to receive the child when things return to "normal?" The key answer to this question is, "don't give up?

Don't give up means do not disown your child whose gotten caught up in the world. Don't make your child choose between you or their new found life style. You'll lose every time. Don't give up means set your boundaries with the child and stand by them. Don't give in out of fear or guilt. Your clear terms for associating with the rebellious child will be the grounding force needed to bring the child around. Sometimes it will be a short time before the child comes back. Sometimes it will be years before the child comes back. Just don't give up on the love you have for your child. Your love is probably the one thing the child needs to guide him/her through life's journey.

When the child and you find a common meeting point where both of you can live your own lives, you will receive the person you raised from infancy in the body of a responsible and independent individual. Compromise, adjusting of attitudes, expectations and respect will yield an honest and sincere relationship for all involved.

Not all families successfully cross the troubling roads of life. The parents and the child may choose to agree that they can not find a common ground. It does not mean either party has given up. It means the two parties are still a work in process.

Charlie Remiggo wrote an encouraging poem that may help people who refuse to give up. If you or someone you know is going through a challenging life experience, share this hub and the following poem by Charlie Remiggo...

Never Give Up

Never give up. Never lose hope.

Always have faith. It allows you to cope.

Trying time will pass, As they always do.

Just have patience; your dreams will come true.

So put on a smile, You'll live through your pain,

Know it will pass, And strength you will gain.

Charlie Remiggo