Friendships Count

Friendship is a relationship between individuals that make life matter. Its a way of confirming that an individual counts and has value or worth in life. According to clinical definitions, friendships is defined as a type of interpersonal connection between two or more people. The relationship does not reach the level of intimate encounter with another person. However intimate and non-intimate friendships have similar characteristics.

Scientists found friendships a carry certain value amongst the individuals. This value is far more cherished than a casual association with people we meet.

In a true and strong friendship, certain traits are present. For example, the individuals...

• tend to want what is best for the other person(s)
• a mutual respect and compassion is held in the relationship
• an unspoken honesty and trust exists
• a willingness to be open without fear of criticism is present
• betrayal is not a fear that exists in the relationship, etc.

Friendship is a validation that there are people in the world who can accept you for who you are. You do not have to pretend to be what you believe the other people in your circle of friendship think you should be. Just be yourself is all that is expected.

Being yourself is a major and important trait of a lasting friendship. There are many versions of friendship that permit an individual to be himself or authentic.

A few years ago, a well known child psychologist advocated that parents become friends with their children.This was an uncomfortable concept for people who were accustomed to be being the guardian of their children. Gradually the parent/child friendship concept caught on.

It was not too long before problems arose with the parent/child friendship. Some parents complained their children were not respecting them the way they should. And of course, parents lost more control over the actions of their children. A probable reason was due to people's misunderstanding of what the psychologist was trying to relay to parents.

From a personal point of view, I attempted the parent/child friendship lifestyle. I did not lose the control of the situation. My child was encouraged to express opinions with respect to me, the parent. The child was also treated with repect. Consequently, the fear of being honest was greatly reduced.

Limits were established regarding what was acceptable in our relationship and what was not. During that era of parenting, a shopping cart of drugs was made available to people for the asking. My fear was, how to keep my child away from the drug scene. By God's grace, my child did not fear telling me about the activities that were going on among peers. We talked often about the drug scene and smoking. I don't take credit for my child's decision not to get involved with drugs and smoking. I credit it to being a friend my child could talk to. No subject was off limits. being a friend to my child helped keep that individual focused on the things that could make for a better life.

Over the years I've made friends with people from all over the world. Their race and cultural backgrounds are wide and unforgettable. I learned there is one common thread that runs through humankind. That is treat people with kindness and respect and 99.9% of them will return the same to you.

As a person who grew up in the segregated Southern United States, the friendship between an African American and a Caucasian were as common as seeing a cactus plant growing in Georgia.It was not a common site.

After moving to up-state New York, I met a young lady from Alabama. I was from Georgia. Both of us needed a friend because we were living far away from friends and family. We were both young parents raising toddlers.

Overtime we began to talk. I asked her, "why do Whites dislike Blacks so much?" It was in the early 1970s that I asked her the question. Her reply was, "that's the way its always been.She said,'I grew up thinking that was the way it was supposed to be." We looked at each other with a long curious glare. The next thing I knew we were laughing and talking about how life is so confusing. All said and done, we became good friends. Our friendship lasted for several years. We moved to different areas of the country but kept in touch for several years after that. Our friendship was based on honesty.

People claim a man and a woman can not be friends without being intimate with each other. I will agree it is very difficult to separate intimate desires from feelings of gratitude and kindness.

One of the keys to getting beyond the intimate relationship is to honestly define within yourself the expectations of your friendship. After communicating what you want and the two people agree they do not expect anymore than friendship. Then the arrangement has a chance of continuing. On the other hand, it takes determination and commitment to work at not confusing emotions for things they are not.

The two people may have had a desire to initially have an intimate relationship but the chemistry was not there. However, they still enjoy the company of each other. The chances of becoming platonic friends becomes a possibility.

A male friend of mine initially wanted an intimate relationship with me. I explained to him I was not available for such a relationship. He tried to pursue his desires but I would not change my intentions with him. We both had an initial attraction to each other but the relationship was not bound for cupid. He eventually said "I give up." I though he meant that was the end of our relationship.

He continued to come around and each time we met we'd always part from each other with good feelings towards each other. We always encouraged each other to move on our dreams. He and I talked about our life and all that was going on. We'd even go out from time to time and we look out for each other. I know I can be myself around him and he knows he can be himself around me.

Our friendship is based on the knowledge that we can relax and be ourselves with each other. We look out for the well being of the other. I cherish his friendship and I know he respects me as I also respect him

As I think about friendship and the many layers that encompass it. I am learning more and more that friendship is a blessing. It is a little sprinkle of the better side of humankind. Friendship makes life count.